Tag: homicide

There’s No “Murder-Suicide” Specific Prevention Cause To Join, So Instead…

Content Note: grief, suicide, murder, murder-suicide, stigma, etc. Let me know if I should’ve mentioned anything else.


In about one month I’ll be walking in one of ASFP’s local walks as part of “the fight against suicide” and to support their bold goal to reduce the suicide rate 20% by 2025.

It’s a smaller walk than the Overnight one I participated in June 2017, and donations are optional this time around unlike that time. I’m mainly sharing my story here rather than asking for you all, my blog followers, to actually donate but if you do want to then the link to donate is at the end. I’m hoping for a few donations but not necessarily from people who have never met me… I just also want to get these words out publicly.

As regular readers of my blog might remember, I’ve lost two people close to me to suicide. Both were middle aged men, and both died very near the Thanksgiving holiday in the USA.

But the more recent suicide, the one that transpired only 9 months ago at the end of November 2017, was so much more horrific and far reaching than a pure suicide, and this is not at all meant to downplay how hugely devastating suicides are.

I just feel like I’m lying by omission and doing a huge disservice to the victim and her family if I don’t mention that I’m in my first year of mourning and recovering from the trauma of my close friend and colleague not only killing himself, but him being the perpetrator of a murder-suicide.

I related to many aspects of this article on Survivors of Suicide Loss, and experienced much of this especially throughout the first 5 months of the aftermath: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201311/understanding-survivors-suicide-loss

And yet most of those experiences listed were tainted by the fact that murder of another person was at the core of many of my emotions and thought processes, so much so that mourning the suicide side of all of it became exceptionally complicated.

Continue reading “There’s No “Murder-Suicide” Specific Prevention Cause To Join, So Instead…”

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I’ve Been Crying For ~95 Hours, Now…

Hi everyone. Where do I begin?? And how am I supposed to tag this freaking post…? *Sigh*. I am… beyond emotionally drained as this week sorta starts to come to a close.  Please read down to the end if you care about understanding the extreme grief and trauma I’ve been going through since Monday.

[Huge Content Notes for: Murder, Suicide, Domestic Violence, Grief… um let me know if I need to add something else in here.]

I basically want to laugh (darkly) because The Asexual Agenda’s Question of the Week this week is all about keeping secrets and well… In the past few days especially and into this blog post I’m braving writing now, I’m going to make it so there are basically ZERO secrets anymore in my life, in the sense of no separation of my real life identity and my online persona. I’ve been doing it slowly but surely for a little while now, and while even now I’d still rather not write my full name on my blog here so that people Googling my first and last name don’t as easily find where I write about “not masturbating” or “trying sex and being averse” or whatever, just in case for my next job… of course that precaution might still not really be enough though. But basically I’m going to tell you all my first and last name now.
So, without further ado: I’ve been volunteering with Recovering from Religion as a non-profit internet-based organization since February 2015 when their “The Hotline Project” first launched. (It has more recently been renamed Recovering from Religion’s “Helpline”.) I have been in many roles as a volunteer there – Call Agent, Chat/IM Agent, Mentor, Supervisor, Moderator of a Helpline Community when they started the communities, and, most notably, since we published our first episode on Friday May 6th 2016, I’ve been a co-host of Recovering from Religion’s podcast.
2 months ago today, I even mentioned in my bio which you can used to be able to read at the end of this that I was both a co-host of the Recovering from Religion podcast and that I blog under the username luvtheheaven at WordPress. 😛
William Scott Smith, who preferred to go by his middle name Scott, starting about 7 months later than me in September 2015, has been in every single one of those roles too, and he’s been one of my very best friends for most of that time. 2 years of my life I’ve known him… Pretty darn well for an “internet friend”.

Continue reading “I’ve Been Crying For ~95 Hours, Now…”