Life Upheavals and Developments (Part 2)

This post is continued from Part 1. Please read Part 1 first.

When I broke up with Asher, I also moved out immediately. However, the first bed bug treatment was happening in a week, and I needed to work very hard on trying to make sure the apartment complex didn’t file for eviction or anything drastic because of us not being prepared. Despite over 90% of the work to be done involving Asher’s stuff, it was my problem, I had to figure out how to handle it.

Friday of that week, only two days after breaking up with Asher, I received a Corrective Action email from my supervisor for my productivity having begun to suffer over the course of the past three or so weeks at work.

I ended up bringing my dad, my brother, and two friends over to see the apartment for the sake of helping with tons of physical labor of moving stuff around, taking things out to the dumpsters (the apartment being on the 3rd floor with no elevator), taking tons of clothing and linens to laundromats, taking many storage bins to a new storage unit over multiple car trips, etc. We did most of the work over the course of 2 weekend days, Christmas Eve, and still weren’t finished and had to keep working hard on Christmas Day.

Asher and I cooperated during this time, although Asher’s new partner was extremely angry at me and wouldn’t speak to me and it was a whole… dramatic thing. Asher and I stayed in contact and tried to figure out if there was any way we could be just friends but still in each other’s lives, or to get back together as a different type of polyamorous partner with no intention to be nesting partners (to be living together), no intention any longer to raise kids together one day, etc. We navigated a lot of complicated emotions and painful conversations.

My friends and family talked me into the fact that if it was at all posssible to terminate the lease early, I should not keep paying for the entirety of the remaining 9+ months I would not be living there. I discussed with Asher, who would’ve preferred to keep living there, but in the end we were able to terminate the 1 year lease fairly easily, with a minimal monetary penalty, all things considered. We gave our 30 day notice on January 2nd. Asher began to work toward finding a place (i.e. a room) to move in alongside their partner they’d been dating since September, in large part because the two of them could much more easily afford a place together, but also because they did want to live together.

That same day, at 10:30 PM, I received a phone call from the police, where I was informed that my estranged, abusive mother had been found dead in her home. My brother and I were next of kin because she was not married, and we had to decide what to do with her body and everything relating to her estate. She was renting a home, so we needed to empty it so that the landlord could rent it to the next tenant.

Over the course of January, I needed to prepare to present on sessions relating to asexuality and aromanticism at the Creating Change conference, for the third year in row, as the slideshows and plans were not even yet formulated. Meanwhile, I needed to figure out the practicalities in the wake of my mother’s death, and I was under more scrutiny at work, and it was all a lot.

Also in January 2020, my former queerplatonic partner, Robert, started to attend the local ace meetups again and was back on my radar. Robert had ghosted me in May of 2017, a relationship and breakup which I’ve still to this day never properly written a blog post about. I had a lot of emotions about his return as well, although I didn’t actually go to meetups as I was so busy, and didn’t cross paths with him right away.

On January 1st, I had already invited people to a 30th Birthday party at the end of January, and I didn’t want to cancel it once I found out my mom had died… So I did indeed end up having a big birthday party, which I hosted for myself, at the end of January.

A few of weeks into January, I got back together with Asher in a different way than we were partners before, essentially polyamorously as secondary partners, where I would be seeking a new primary partner with whom to hopefully one-day co-parent, and Asher wouldn’t have that role in my life. I will explain more in future blog posts about the nuance, I’m sure.

I could never visit Asher at their new home, in part because of Asher’s partner hating me, but also because Asher and their partner were renting a single room in a house, and there would not really be space for me. Asher’s partner and I both helped Asher move out of what had been Asher’s-and-my-apartment on February 2nd, and Asher visited me at my dad’s house where I was now living multiple times a week ever since we got back together, through March 14th. We began social distancing after March 14th, and we would text so many hours of every day, and have many hours of phone conversation every week for the past two-and-a-half months. It was essentially a long-distance relationship.

We ended up breaking up with each other this past Sunday, near the end of May. This time around for our breakup, we’re not still in communication. It’s a full break, giving each other full space and I do hope that one day we can be friends, but I expect it to probably take over a year before Asher is ready for that. I’m currently adjusting to my new normal, as I’m sure Asher also is, where we don’t speak at all, but I think we will both be okay in the long run.

There is so much more to say on many of these topics. There are some relevant details I have omitted entirely. But I believe this is a good starting point for a lot of what I wanted to share with all of you. I wanted people to be updated on my life situation.

I’ve been spending my social distancing time teleworking since March 18th, living in a home with my dad.

I’m newly single as of this week, after having been in the longest dating relationship of my life. (Asher was a part of my life for roughly 13 months, and we were actually together for a full 12 of them, the first 8 of them consecutive. The only thing I have to compare it to really is my queerplatonic partnership with Robert. With him, it was… well, I knew him for 22 months of my life in a row before he ghosted me, but we were only dating for a total of 9-and-a-half months, which can be divided into 4 months together, a period of being broken up, then 5-and-a-half more.)

I’m… planning to get back into blogging. I’m trying to get my momentum back after I just felt way too busy to blog for a little too long.

Thank you for reading and being interested in so many words about my life.

 

 

7 thoughts on “Life Upheavals and Developments (Part 2)

  1. “That same day, at 10:30 PM, I received a phone call from the police, where I was informed that my estranged, abusive mother had been found dead in her home.”

    WHOA.

    I know you had a bad relationship with your mother, so I don’t know what is the most appropriate response for me to have. Like LJ Conrad, I hope you’re doing okay.

    Thanks on the update on your life situation. You’ve been through a heck of a lot since September. I would be interested reading more detailed posts about all of this, but only if writing more about it would be good for you – it’s most important for you to take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I definitely would like to write at least one post about my mom and her death and stuff. Maybe I’ll write it before everything else i want to write, but I’m really not sure what I’ll be in the mood for first. When it first happened I was surprised by how much I still craved sympathy for my loss, and validation that it’s still a big deal, but also I had in many ways already grieved a lot of the loss in the over a decade prior, and i knew that. Emotionally it was honestly not particularly hard compared to so much else in my life even just this past year, and especially if i go further back for traumas and grief to compare it to. Still, on top of everything else it was pretty stressful, and I still have felt sadness and all sorts of emotions. I… There are so many thoughts I’d love to share and stuff. 💙💛

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  2. Thanks for sharing, really hoped you were okay with not posted in a while. Daaaaang that’s a lot to take place in such little time – I really hope things settle down for you quickly.

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  3. Any one of the things you’ve been through would have been bad enough. To go through so many in the space of just a few months… well, all I can say is I’m sorry. 😦

    Like the other commenters, I’m curious to hear more about some of the events you talk about, but I know you’ll write more about them if and when you feel ready. Meanwhile, I look forward to your next post – whatever you decide to write about.

    Liked by 1 person

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