Content Note: grief, suicide, murder, murder-suicide, stigma, etc. Let me know if I should’ve mentioned anything else.
In about one month I’ll be walking in one of ASFP’s local walks as part of “the fight against suicide” and to support their bold goal to reduce the suicide rate 20% by 2025.
It’s a smaller walk than the Overnight one I participated in June 2017, and donations are optional this time around unlike that time. I’m mainly sharing my story here rather than asking for you all, my blog followers, to actually donate but if you do want to then the link to donate is at the end. I’m hoping for a few donations but not necessarily from people who have never met me… I just also want to get these words out publicly.
As regular readers of my blog might remember, I’ve lost two people close to me to suicide. Both were middle aged men, and both died very near the Thanksgiving holiday in the USA.
But the more recent suicide, the one that transpired only 9 months ago at the end of November 2017, was so much more horrific and far reaching than a pure suicide, and this is not at all meant to downplay how hugely devastating suicides are.
I just feel like I’m lying by omission and doing a huge disservice to the victim and her family if I don’t mention that I’m in my first year of mourning and recovering from the trauma of my close friend and colleague not only killing himself, but him being the perpetrator of a murder-suicide.
I related to many aspects of this article on Survivors of Suicide Loss, and experienced much of this especially throughout the first 5 months of the aftermath: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/two-takes-depression/201311/understanding-survivors-suicide-loss
And yet most of those experiences listed were tainted by the fact that murder of another person was at the core of many of my emotions and thought processes, so much so that mourning the suicide side of all of it became exceptionally complicated.