Tumblr Aro Asks meme, my answers (part 3 of 4)

As I said here in part 1, and also part 2, I’m gonna answer all of these, in a 4 part series of answers. Cross-posted to tumblr.

This is part 3 of 4.

(And as it turns out… I didn’t just “kind of” fail to finish these in time for Aro Spec Awareness Week… lmao. I completely totally am insanely late finishing up. However I want to post the final 2 parts before I post my March Carnival of Aces post, so I’m kicking this into high gear really quickly.)

As I explained before, I’m answering many of these with long paragraph answers, rather than just 1 word, because I feel like sometimes long answers are necessary, and I have a lot to say.

That being said, we’re finally at the parts where I plan to give some… shorter answers.

4. what’s your stance on romantic attraction?

What’s my… “stance”? Huh? I think it’s frustratingly hard to define. I think I probably don’t really feel it. I might be able to be “in love” and like romance or romantic things/like being in a romantic relationship, but actual “romantic attraction” I… think it seems like it’s is usually tied up in sexual attraction, or for aces finding people aesthetically attractive, and since I don’t feel either of those forms of attraction… Well…

Besides, it’s totally a “know it when you feel it thing” and the last time I’ve felt definitive, non-squish, something I want to categorize as a crush on a person feelings…. was before I knew I was ace. Since then, I don’t feel anything like that. I think I just “Thought” I felt crushes before, or worked myself into hoping for things that I know now I wouldn’t even enjoy anyway, so I don’t project those hopes nor project that type of sense of longing onto people anymore.

5. how did you figure out you were arospec?

By first figuring out I was asexual and then immersing myself in a lot of asexual community conversations and really just… thinking. And thinking more. And writing things out. And asking people questions. And trying to figure out what being alloromantic yet asexual would be like. Etc etc.

6. when did you figure out you were arospec

Well… I posted this blog post entitled, “I think I’m… wtfromantic. Or maybe heteroromantic. Or aromantic? Or panromantic? AH I DON’T KNOW.” 3 years ago (March 2014, about 5 months after settling for sure on the truth that I’m asexual), so around then, probably a little earlier? Or later? Since I wasn’t SURE I was arospec then when I was posting it. It was… gradual.

7. do you experience romance repulsion?

Not really. Not at ALL to the degree that I experience sex repulsion aversion? But in certain select scenarios maybe. It makes me uncomfortable to have select explicitly romantic things imposed on me and my queerplatonic relationship, maybe… but idk. Mainly I can be pretty happy with a lot of romantic things. However I felt really kinda romance repulsed when I was dating a heterosexual/allosexual guy in 2013 and he was in love with me and wanted to see me too often, and him and also one other guy I tried dating in 2012 both wanted to hold my hand too much and I just… was somewhere between actively uncomfortable (but repulsed would never be a word I’d use, btw), and just… indifferent… I don’t think I’m romance repulsed though.

8. favorite part of the arospec community?

I don’t know if I can pick just one favorite. Unpacking of the complexity of human relationships of all kinds, celebrations of platonic love, subverting amatonormative culture in cool ways, being very welcoming of gray areas… idk. Lots of things.

9. least favorite part of the arospec community?

Maybe sometimes the anger makes me uncomfortable, by a few select bloggers, or the elitism I’ve seen here or there, or the clashing of needs from people who don’t want any kind of partnership, especially?? Or the lack of there being a community really at all, like no in-person meetups for aros, and the fact that it’s SO ace dominated so allosexual aros are basically always left out or ignored or whatever.

10. do you consider yourself to be part of the lgbtq+ community?

Yes, but because I’m asexual first and foremost in terms of how I identify, it’s mainly for that reason I guess…

11. how do you feel about physical affection?

If the question means to get at more like… do I personally participate in it or desire it…? Well, um… I think I basically reserve it for super close family. I’ve had periods of craving/longing to hug my queerplatonic partner, kinda, but after a while of not doing it I get over it? I don’t really need touch in my life much. I do think it can be one of the most intimate things ever, but it only feels intimate to me if it’s 100% nonsexual, like between family or two sex-averse asexual people lmao… 😛 I feel in general there is too much emphasis on it sometimes in ace fiction, narratives about what can make a friendship queerplatonic, etc… idk. To me physical affection is irrelevant in most of my life. I’m not a touchy feely person. Comfort hugs when I’m extremely upset are maybe the best thing ever but I’ve only experienced them like… twice, from family, so I don’t have a good sample set.

12. do you follow any arospec blogs?

Yes. Yes I do. Lol. Um… too many to link really. I’ll just link to this one right now. http://www.pennystirling.com/2016/02/19/aromanticism-in-fiction-pt-2/

Great post, combined with this newer post here:

http://www.pennystirling.com/2017/02/25/so-you-want-to-write-an-arospec/

Made me feel SO validated as an aro-spec person, in particular.

Recently, the aro side of myself has felt more important in a variety of ways than the ace side so… I kinda needed this Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week and stuff. There’s just a lot of feelings going on for me.


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